Domestic violence is so common and yet it’s not talked about enough. If you are in an abusive relationship, and your friends or family don’t understand why can’t you just leave your abuser, you are not alone. Even if you are not directly involved, you probably know someone or have noticed abuse. It could be someone you work with, a friend a neighbor or even a stranger.
According to Anderson et al. (2003) some of the reasons why victims stay was because of depending on their abuser financially, nowhere else to move to, including the law enforcement not taking victims reports seriously.
Whatever the situation, when you think that domestic violence is influencing the life of your loved one, I bet you have questioned yourself, Why doesn’t your loved one just get up and go? I wish it was that easy for victims. Unless if you have been in the shoes of a victim it’s very complicated.
Perhaps initially the victim really believed that the abuser was going through a period and that it will pass or maybe if they can only behave in a certain way, that will stop the abuse.
As a survivor myself I stayed because of all the above including worrying about what people will say, I didn’t want to be a failure, I loved him, thought he was going to change, I thought I was the one in the wrong and blamed myself for everything.
The other reasons why some victims stay is pressure from family trying to fix a broken relationship. This usually encourages victims to forgive their abusers, and abusers promising to change. Society also puts too much pressure on victims. No one wants to be a statistic.
The reasons why victims stay can also change over time depending on the situation. For example if the victim joins the work force and is finally, independent financially, if there are children involved they might stay because they want to raise their children in one household. Better the devil you know is another term that most victims believe in. They get so used to the abuse and know what to expect making them comfortable in a toxic relationship.
It just shows how vital spreading domestic awareness is, particularly educating the community on resources available so that victims are aware that there is help out there and know where and when to seek help.
The reasons why victims stay are sure confusing and difficult to understand, and usually change over time as conditions change.
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